Last winter I got the impression that I really needed to seriously start preparing and getting ready to go to the temple, I thought that this was because I was going to be getting married in the next year or something other than a mission. On September 29th 2012 I wrote a very interesting journal entry that went a little bit like this...
"I have really had some strong feelings recently that I need to go on a mission. It's not necessarily what I want to do but it's what I feel like I need to do. I can begin my mission papers in about a year and 3 months because that will be 120 days before my 21 birthday."
Little did I know... A few days later at conference the mission age was dropped for sisters. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news. I could go on a mission and I didn't have to wait! I knew instantly that I was supposed to go. I called my Grandparents before President Monson sat down, through the sobs I asked if I could go.
So that next week I started my mission papers. My problem was that I couldn't decided when I wanted to leave. January or after April? I ended up deciding to wait and put my availability at the end of April. I am glad I did this and was able to go one more semester to school. I needed to really wrap my head around the whole thing and feel good about it.
I got my call on valentines day. At this point I knew deep in my heart that a mission was the thing that I needed to do but I was trying to fight it. I had a desire to serve but not a strong enough desire, staying home and dating sounded so much better to me. Even through all of that though I never really had doubts about being a missionary, I was just being stubborn about it.
Finally after months of praying I was slapped in the face with a whole bunch of desire. I wanted to go on a mission and that was all I wanted to do! I couldn't leave soon enough. Since that point I have been so excited and my desire hasn't faltered, but now I was faced with a new problem.
For the first time this last week I have started having some doubts about companions, if this is really the right thing and if I will be a good missionary. They have been so strange, I know that they don't come from God but from Satan. I am so blown away by the forces, i have always heard that Satan works hard on those about to have a wonderful spiritual experience but I didn't realize to what extent. Last night I got a blessing from my home teachers, and I was reminded to stay strong and do the little things like pray and read my scriptures. I am grateful to be surrounded by worthy priesthood holders who a can bless me with the power of God.
As I prepare and get even closer to my mission I know things are going to get harder but I know that the Lord is on my side and that I will be an instrument in His hands. I am so grateful for this opportunity and I pray that these trials before I leave will make me a stronger missionary.
I know that the Lord directs us and will lead us to where we are supposed to go if we trust in him. I know that my redeemer lives!
Trust in the lord and don't let things get you down. Here is a talk by Elder Holland that has helped me through all of this recently as well. If you have five minutes you should read it :)
Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence
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